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Sam van Zweden

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Review: A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing

People often ask what I’m reading, and it usually opens up a good conversation. I enjoy having the space to verbally sort out what I think, and if the conversation is with a certain type of person, I can be challenged to justify my assertions. It’s too easy to say something on here without questioning why I feel that way – an awful habit for a would-be critic, and one I’m trying to remedy.

Those “What are you reading?” conversations have been difficult ones while I’ve been reading Eimear McBride’s A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing. The main challenge comes from explaining the form of the novel.

McBride writes (in this work, at least) in fragmented sentences:

“That long night. Loams my eyes. Burn. Lime it. I’ll do. I’ll. Reach out through it. Catch it before it comes. Quick quick. But it’s gone like a rat. Burrow deep and dark where I cannot go. I have. Nothing against this. No defence at all. But. To fall on the spindle. To be turned into the darkness. To be turned into stone.”

ImageWhy this fragmented, choppy language? I’m not entirely sure. Possibly because that’s what we all feel like inside, especially during times of intense trauma, which is exactly what the story of this book centres upon. It’s a unique and challenging reading experience. As with any formally-experimental work, A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing is a shock to begin with – I worried that it would never make any sense. But there are two kinds of “challenging” books: those that are simply baffling from beginning to end, and those whose rhythm and logic the reader can fall into step with. By three pages in, it was clear that this novel falls into the latter category.

I’ve touched on form and language first because it’s the most obvious thing that sets the novel apart. It’s what people will notice when they pick it up. However, it’s not the only remarkable thing about the work.

The “Girl” of the story is its narrator, and the story spans her young life, between birth and her young adulthood. The focus of the story is her relationship with her brother (referred to throughout as “you”), who recovers from a brain tumour as a child, but relapses as an adult. The brother’s illness is a looming presence in the Girl’s life. This way of referring to characters with such immediacy (pronouns and very specific labels) – “I”, “you”, “Mammy”, “aunt”, “uncle” – has the effect of pulling everything inwards, almost uncomfortably close.

Family dynamics are explored wonderfully in this novel, in a way that most people will be able to relate to in some way. From the love-hate tension that can only be felt toward your parents, to the nonsensical regression that our siblings bring out in us as adults. Incest is also a major issue explored in the story, and the narrator’s shifting opinion of what’s happening makes the situation all the more confronting.

Sex and sexuality feature prominently, and McBride beautifully considers the many and varied roles it can play in a person’s life. At various times, the Girl uses sex to control people, and uses the powerlessness of sex to escape from the pain of her life. Sex functions here as a tool, and a means to both gain and lose the upper hand. By the end of the novel, being “fucked and hurt” is the point, and the immense sadness of this can be confronting.

I applaud Eimear McBride’s bravery. This is not a safe novel, and doesn’t tell a safe story. As a debut novelist, it’s a brave move. It has paid off.

As a book seller, I’m having trouble conveying the pleasures of this book to people – they open it up and panic at its structure and language. They think they’ll need to be very switched on in order to read it – not so. I hope this review convinces you to pick it up and give it a go – it’s well worth your while.

The Numbers, 2013

At the start of each year I like to break down the numbers of what I read in the previous year. Reading habits are hard to see while you’re (seemingly) randomly choosing books, but stepping back allows me to see if there are gaps in my reading, and be more purposeful about correcting those gaps.

I’ve been doing the 100+ Books Reading Challenge since the start of 2010. I’ve, of course, never hit anywhere near 100 books. The point for me is to track what I’m reading. This year I read 33 books – 11 less than last year. I reviewed 7 of them on this blog, and 4 for publication.

I was part of some reading groups in 2013 – 6 of the books I read were for KYD Book Club, and 3 for Asian Book Club.

12 non-fiction.
19 fiction.
2 mixed collections.
2 graphic novels.

20 by women. (8 by Australian women, 1 edited by Australian woman.)
11 by men.
(Remaining 2 were collections)

Only one journal got read cover-to-cover. I subscribe to multiple journals, and I always dip in to them, but never read them cover-to-cover. What am I missing out on?

Looking at last year’s numbers, this year has been much less varied.

So, some reading aims for 2014:
– Read more YA books
– Review more of what I read here
– Read journals in their entirety
– Read more broadly (ie, include poetry, plays, etc)

I already know that much of my 2014 reading will be aimed at my Honours work – I don’t know entirely what that will be yet. While I aim to read more broadly in terms of form, content might be a bit more repetitive, as I immerse myself in my Honours project.

What do you hope to  achieve with your reading in 2014?

The Year That Was

The end of the year always prompts introspection and evaluation. Another year has passed, and what have I done with it? Have I acted the way I wanted to; have I achieved the things I intended; have I changed or grown as a person?

At the end of 2012, I graduated. I’d spent three years completing my BA (Creative Writing), and I graduated with Distinction, one of hundreds of other students and thousands of onlooking family and friends at Etihad stadium. They wouldn’t open the roof even though it was really hot and the robes didn’t help the situation, and they served us flat beer. It felt pretty good regardless.

I entered into 2013 with no solid plans, really. When asked, I told people I would use it to take as many writing-related opportunities as I could. “It’s a year off,” I said.

It’s turned out to be very much a year on. I did bugger all until February or March, and then my life exploded into a whirlwind of activity. I started an internship with Melbourne Writers Festival, and shortly after I started doing social media for Kill Your Darlings. And from there it all just rolled rapidly forwards. Toward the end of the year I joined the team at Writers Bloc as Online Editor.

I did reviews for The Big Issue, and I got my second feature published there. I wrote for the Emerging Writers’ Festival Online Journal, and for The Peach. I wrote bits for the City of Melbourne blog and the MWF blog.

I met more famous people than can really be good for anyone, but it did help me overcome my star-struckness. I dealt with last-minute problems and I fixed them, mainly. I learned new grammar rules (new to me, not to grammar). I clarified what I stand for, professionally. I met fantastic arts people.

I worked on stuff, and I re-worked it, and worked on it again. And then I submitted and got rejected and sometimes I got accepted. In that sense, it was a year like any other.

In every other sense, it was not. My “year off” turned out very much to be a “year on”. It’s been swell. Thanks, 2013.

SvZ

Christmas in Retail

I’m a bookseller. It’s Christmas. The last week or so has been hectic. 

It has been:

The woman who thrust her credit card so hard into the machine that it rejected the card. She also grabbed the receipt while it was still being printed, trying to walk away with it before it even really existed.

The man who rang to put a book on hold, wondering if we’d perhaps be open 24-hours a day until Christmas eve. (We’re not. We’re a tiny shopping centre.)

The woman who asked if we had the first Heroes of Olympus book, and left the store in a huff before I’d even finished saying “No, I’m sorry, but I can check if another store has it in stock for you if you’d like.”

The man who stood in the middle of the store looking terribly lost and sad.
“Do you need a hand?”
“I need something for the girl.”
“Okay, what’s she interested in?”
“She likes the Dalai Lama.”
…This was the only information he would give me. He ended up with a biography about an inspiring horse. This shit happens when you don’t work with your bookseller.

Someone’s Grandad who came in wearing a YOLO shirt. Amen, Grandad.

The woman who muscled through our closed doors.

“Where are your books about antique watches?” 

The last customer of the day yesterday, who demonstrated exactly how all Christmas shopping should go down. He named the stereotype that his giftee most easily fit into, and I handed him books and loosely outlined themes. As such:
“Conservative Mum.”
(Handing him Walking on Trampolines), “Family drama, lady friendships.”
“Done!”
Him, holding up Eat Pray Love: “Single girl self-esteem?”
“Mmmm, more divorcee self-esteem, empowerment.”
“Okay yeah there’s one of those too. Done.”
I’m not trying to imply that you shouldn’t put any thought into your Christmas presents. But if you’ve left it until December 22nd, chances are you’re not putting a huge amount of thought in anyway. And when it’s ten minutes past closing time and you don’t actually care whether this book contains a dying elderly person, or if that book covers Provence or Marseille too, then just trust us when we recommend something. 

And finally, the sleep that happens at the end of these days. The sensation of my bones giving up beneath my flesh, when all of me seems to fall right through the mattress. To sleep like that every day of the year, without first putting in the work!

A Christmas Present For Myself

I’ve been building up hampers and foodstuffs for people I love for weeks now. It’s a gradual process, and takes a fair bit of planning, putting together, packaging. I thought I deserved a reward.

Well, no, really I think I was just looking for any excuse, and Christmas is here so that’s it. Anyway, I bought myself a subscription for The Lifted Brow. I love the Brow because they’re smart but not too smart, and they’re always tapping into mundane things and making them important in interesting ways. 

Also, they’re running an INSANE give-away for subscribers, and that certainly helped. They’re giving away 52 books to ONE PERSON. As they say, “It’s actually a year of reading: 52 books; 52 weeks in a year; a book a week; how wonderful.”

What a reading challenge that would be. My fingers are crossed, but I also wanted to let you know it’s happening and you should probably subscribe to a great publication too, so here it is. Make it happen.

Avoiding Television is Key

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It’s almost 3pm, and I haven’t turned the television on today. I believe this is the key to today’s productivity levels (relatively high).

Some mornings I’ll wake and think, “Just with breakfast. I’ll just watch an episode of Whatever Shit I’m Addicted To with brekkie, then I’ll get into it.” I watch the episode, and I usually finish my breakfast by 15 minutes into the 45-minute episode. So I waste an extra half-hour seeing the episode out. 

Recent perpetrators: DraculaMasters of SexBoardwalk EmpireThe Blacklist.

The problem is two-pronged.

1. I waste the extra half-hour, and then get to work. But my mindframe is shot. I’m in lounging-mode, not working-mode. 

2. “Just one more”. All shows that I’m watching after-the-fact (that is, that I don’t see weekly as they’re aired) have the allure of just one more. What’s another 45 minutes and some narrative closure? The trap, of course, being that each episode has its own cliff-hanger, and I never get that closure. So always one more.

Fix: don’t turn the TV on at all, until the work day is done. It’ll ruin everything.

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser Tuesday is hosted by MizB at Should Be Reading.

  • Grab your current read.
  • Let the book fall open to a random page.
  • Share with us two (2) “teaser” sentences from that page.
  • You also need to share the title of the book that you’re getting your “teaser” from … that way people can have some great book recommendations if they like the teaser you’ve given!

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“So I’m standing in front of my six-burner stove at Rae’s on Watego’s in Byron Bay and our head waiter Scotty wants to know if I’ll cook a soft-shell crab for Paris Hilton that isn’t deep-fried. I’m no killjoy so I say sure, it’ll be wet and soggy but it’ll taste like crab.”

– from Jim Hearn’s High Season: A Memoir of Heroin and Hospitality, p. 1.

A Month of Reading: November

Slow reading month, November. I’ve started stitching Christmas cards and test-baking/cooking foodie gifts. I’m in the process of forcing some balance between editing Writers Bloc and my normal reading patterns. After a month of it, I feel like I’m starting to reach some kind of sweet spot. I also spent a large portion of November reading (but not finishing) Game of Thrones, in preparation for meeting George RR Martin. He was wonderful, and I pretended I’d read more than half of the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire.

ImageI finished reading Murder In Mississippi for KYD Book Club. I’m not much of a true crime reader – in fact, I’ve got some on my shelf but I’ve never given it a shot, not even Truman Capote, which I know is something I should have read. Anyway, I jumped into Murder In Mississippi pretty innocent, I guess. And I loved it. I’ve always enjoyed watching John Safran on TV (in a hand-over-mouth, ‘Oh, he didn’t!’ type way), and probably brought a lot of this with me to the book. Safran makes a loveable, if highly self-conscious and flawed, guide through racist Mississippi. He looks into the murder of a white supremacist by a young black man, and I found myself in the palm of his hand. Red herrings, dead-ends, disappointments and surprises all got me. Murder in Mississippi is well worth a shot.

I also finished reading Marbles, by Ellen Forney. I’ll post a longer review of this one soon.

Loads of great books published this month, and I only bought the following few: Nick Hornby’s got a book out that talks about his books column, called Stuff I’ve Been Reading. I guess it’s kind of similar to what I do here. I look forward to reading it, and hopefully getting some insight to what could work better here. 

Ruth Field’s Run Fat B!tch Run is a hilarious, no-nonsense approach to getting off the couch and into your runners, which came along at just the right time for me as I trained for my first 5km run last year. She’s got another one out now, Get Your Sh!t Together, which employs the same straight-talking Grit Doctor that the first book did. I look forward to abandoning multi-tasking and list-making, and getting my shit together. …When I actually get around to reading it.

The Best Australian series came out at the beginning of November, too. I’m chuffed to see mentor-man Laurie Steed’s story The Knife in this collection. He’s done amazing work this year, and Best Australian Stories really tops it off. BAS now sits next to my study chair, and I’ll be working through story-by-story before the end of the year.

I was pretty stoked to find a copy of HHhH by Laurent Binet at my local Salvos. (I’ve said it so many times, I’ll say it again: Kew Salvos Imagefor books. Do it.) Picked it up for $3.99, and as I walked out the door I noticed the “Reading Copy” notice down the side of the book. It looks like not everyone has the squirmy feeling about giving reading copies to op-shops that I do.

Speaking of reading copies – managed to swindle myself a copy of Eimear McBride’s A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing. I’m really looking forward to this: on picking it up, it looks totally disjointed and unreadable. But then you start reading, and notice that half-sentences and fragmented thoughts kind of swirl and accumulate. No sentence by itself makes a great deal of sense, but working with all the words around it, the prose here makes deep impressions in a cumulative way. It’s a debut novel, and this is such a brave way for a debut novelist to write. It’s not safe at all. And I can’t wait.

I was also sent a copy of Kristen Krauth’s Just_a_girl, which has been getting good reviews

McSweeny’s 44 finally emerged from my post-box too, after delays at the printers, then delays sending, then delays receiving. It’s mine now. Mine.

I got along to the Hardie Grant book sale last week, and managed to limit my spending to Christmas gifts for others, and one book for myself: Dave Eggers’ latest, The Circle

So, the verdict for November: so much more came in than went out, and I didn’t really notice this until I started writing this post. But I feel excited about all the great reading I’ve got lined up!

Almost There: Another NaNo Post

We’re in the final week of NaNoWriMo, and my month hasn’t gone entirely to plan.

I decided (but apparently didn’t really commit) to undertake NaNo when we decided to do a heap of supportive content about it on Writers Bloc. That is, a couple of days before November began. I thought I wouldn’t be able to properly talk about the NaNoWriMo experience unless I had one myself.

writers_blockIf you’re unfamiliar with NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), the basic premise is to write 50,000 words toward your novel in 30 days. I’ve taken my own path a bit, in that I’m not working on a novel but using the time to tally up articles, essays, blog posts; drafts of all sorts. Today, on the 25th day of writing, and less than a week from the finish line, I’ve got only a fifth of what I was meant to aim for. I haven’t even written every day.

Why am I sharing this? Why am I not pretending I finished, or at least got a whole lot closer to 50,000 words than I actually have? I’m not entirely sure. I think it’s because I suspect there’s many more like me out there, who’ve done just a bit of a NaNo. And I think that’s okay, and not something to beat yourself up over.

NaNoWriMo’s a time for a heap of feels. Foremost is guilt, for having not written more, or having not spent every waking moment with my writing in mind, as I know many people do. On the other hand though, I do feel more creative having (almost) done this month of intensive writing. There’s something about the act of constantly throwing out ideas and running with them that unblocks your creativity. Instead of vetoing ideas before they make it to the page, as I normally would, my desperate-for-words mentality meant that everything got air time. Even ridiculous ideas.

I have found myself writing fiction, which I haven’t done in at least six months.

I’ve created a stockpile of projects to return to later.

I’ve unblocked, and am giving less heed to that nagging voice in my head which usually prevents those ideas from being actual pieces of writing.

How has NaNoWriMo gone for you? We’re still five days away from the finish line, but winners are beginning to announce themselves (HUGE APPLAUSE!) already. Have you reached the 50K already? Are you on your way? Or have you, like me, just gone with it and gotten something else out of the experience?

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