It’s over, and I’ve taken my week to fall in a heap. Yes, I am unreasonably hopeful that the one week is all it takes. Let’s not talk about other possibilities at this point.
In the last week, I handed in my manuscript and ‘contextual essay’ (for all intents and purposes, an exegesis). I partied reasonably hard that night. The following day I worked, and came home and vomited myself silly – I was knocked down for the remainder of the week with gastro. It was quite an unhappy week. Last night I panicked, because I felt myself falling into a very familiar hole. That place I find myself when a big milestone is passed, and I have to ask myself, “What now?”
Today, however, I came across two articles that really spoke to me, and which have helped me pull myself a little bit out of that hole.
Karen Andrews at Miscellaneous Mum posted her talk from the weekend’s Offset Arts Festival. In it, she talks about her very personal reasons for blogging, and how blogging acted as a distraction during recovery from a breakdown. Karen goes on to talk about how her continued blogging journey has been backed by passion – she kept going, and that’s how she discovered her voice. Karen’s successes (many and varied) have come because she has kept going – she loves what she’s doing, and that’s the motivator.
Another article about reading and writing in relation to emotional healing was posted at The Wheeler Centre website. In an interview with the beautiful Melinda Harvey, she talks about the relationship between reading and healing. For Melinda, at a certain point literature is useless to that process – I’m really struck by the bravery of refuting that idea of literature as a lifeline in times of crisis. At another point, however, reading and writing becomes instrumental in making sense of things – a sentiment I can certainly relate to, having just handed in 10,000 words of a memoir about my mother’s mental illness. Likewise, Melinda talks about how much of a mind-bending change it was for her to think of herself writing a memoir. It’s an uncomfortable kind of negotiation, thinking of yourself as a memoirist when it’s something you’d never considered previously.
Both Karen and Melinda’s words really touched me today, when I’m finding myself at a bit of a cross-roads. I don’t exactly know where life takes me to from here. But I am standing on the other side of a very big milestone, and for today at least, I have pulled myself out of a dark spot thanks to these ladies.
22/10/2012 at 2:57 pm
I can definately relate to this feeling of ‘what now’ and the verge of panic. Although I have another year of uni left whenever uni ends for the year I am always pretty confused and anxious about what to do. I do love uni and the motivation it gives me, I hope I will contiune projects throughout the long break. Treat yourself kindly Sam and maybe get your hand’s on Russ Harris’s The Reality Slap which is really great at how to deal with change. Thanks for sharing the links too!
24/10/2012 at 1:05 pm
I know Shannon, assignment deadlines are more pressing somehow than competitions and other optional deadlines.
I’ve read The Happiness Trap and some of The Confidence Gap, Shannon. Haven’t read The Reality Slap, but from the other two can probably extrapolate on what his ideas might be. I’ll try to keep it in mind.
16/11/2012 at 7:01 pm